Diary of the Girls
by Elven Labyrinth
Summary: This is my first attempt at a supremely angsty fic; so cut me a little slack. Anyways, this is just something done from the girl's point of view on the guys...will update by request
1. Relena's Final Letter

This is just a simple story with simple characters…no it isn't. Nothing is simple when you're in love   
with Hiiro Yuy. Nothing is simple when you have to fight your heart and fight your tears. I know; how   
foolish of me to fall in love with the Perfect Soldier; the one person in this world and the next who cannot   
return my affections. But I couldn't help myself! I admit; when I first saw him, the attraction was purely   
physical. But when I followed him that day; to that base, and he let his guard down for a brief moment, I felt   
something more than just physical desire…the look in his eyes; so hungry, so vulnerable. It spoke to me like   
nothing else ever had. Sadly, he's never looked at me like that again…his fear is so evident, even when it's   
hidden behind the "Perfect Soldier" mask…  
  
Relena reread what she had written. "Me thinks I doth protest too much." She smiled   
briefly, and picked the pen back up. She didn't have long; and she needed him to understand why   
this was happening, why she was willing to risk everything for this. She took a deep breath, and   
continued…  
  
"I'm going to kill you." Those words have more of a romantic meaning now than they had had then.   
Because he wouldn't. God only knows how many opportunities he's had; how many times have I stared down   
the barrel of his gun? How many times has he whispered those words into my ear? They will never come close   
to "I love you" but they will suffice. Because I know Hiiro; those three little words can never be put together   
thanks to his training. But he had his sweet side too…I think perhaps the sweetest thing he ever did was smile for me. It was   
after the first war; when OZ and the White Fang were defeated, and I was busy taking my father's   
place…both of my fathers' places. I will always be a Dorlian.  
But that isn't the point. I remember; I was about to take my seat on the plane when an ordinary-  
looking mechanic bumped into me. I paid no attention; there are thousands perhaps, of scruffy haired   
mechanics with no manners. When I reached my seat, he was still there…watching. Then I noticed the   
gift…Hiiro had remembered my birthday! No one can imagine the shock I felt when I picked up the card and   
the bear…I still have the bear; but the card I ripped up. He watched; and smiled…why, I will never know. I   
don't really care; I treasure that memory.  
I suppose that doesn't explain why I love him…nothing will, I suppose. After all, one can hardly   
expect me to explain something I myself don't quite understand. My therapist tells me that I cling, cling can   
you believe it?! to him because he is tied closely to the memory of my father…the first Vice Minister Dorlian. I   
always hide a smile when she says that. Sally is a sweet woman, but I don't think I want to listen to that   
kind of advice from someone who is in love with Wufei Chang. Don't misinterpret my statement; Wufei is a decent person, but his chauvinistic tendencies and anti-  
social behavior makes him about as available as Hiiro…  
  
She sighed, and wiped away a tear, and blotted the few that had fallen on the paper. How   
could she explain everything on paper? "There isn't any way I can!" Relena cried in frustration.   
"But I have to try; I have to let them know how much they've done for me…and maybe if he reads   
it, he can understand. He was always the best at understanding me." she picked up the pen, and   
resumed writing…  
  
I suppose now would be the time to talk of them. Yes them, the infamous saviors of Earth and the   
Colonies…the Gundam pilots.   
I'll start with Quatre; he was, after all, the sweetest kindest person I have ever known. He went out   
of his way to protect us from ourselves and each other. His space heart couldn't take the pressures though; the   
misery, the suffering. He died of heart failure only a few months earlier. Imagine; surviving three wars,   
multiple uprisings, and Duo's cooking; only to die of heart failure. I still hold a special place in my heart for   
him, and I pray that I'll see him again.  
Then there's Duo. He was loud, sociable, and kind hearted. But his jokes couldn't hide his pain; he   
was more afraid of love than Hiiro. I know; for Hilde's sake I got him plastered one night, and we talked all   
night long. I won't reveal what he told me; I can't, I made a promise that I wouldn't. And I always keep my   
word. He's dead as well. A car accident. It wasn't even his fault! He was walking with Hilde; down to the   
corner market…just a normal errand, when he was killed. He died saving a little girl who had fallen in the   
street; the driver who hit him was drunk…my ass! Hilde saw it all; before she stopped talking, she told me   
what had happened. The little girl had fallen and twisted her ankle. The car came barreling down the road;   
and careening wildly. Duo kissed her, and ran into the street. He picked the girl up, and handed her to her   
mother. He was running back across the street when he was hit. Then the driver rolled over him, backed up   
over him, and then drove off. They caught him eventually; he was given life. Life! He lives while one of the   
best people on the world died!   
She still has nightmares; that's why she stopped talking. Sally says it was the shock that silenced her.   
I don't know; I'm not a psychologist.  
Trowa Barton…I don't know what to say about him…he's a good, kind-hearted person. Whatever   
tragedies lie buried in his past remain so. He keeps it all locked away inside. He worked hard…never played   
much…can't really do it now. He's paralyzed from the waist down; a freak accident at the circus when his   
and Cathy's trailer fell on him, crushing his legs and lower back. Silent and pensive as ever, he's still   
understanding and compassionate. He seems to have taken Quatre's place as a sounding board for the rest of   
us…even myself. The most he ever gives is a brief smile, or a squeeze of the hand, but that's all he ever really   
needs to do.  
And Wufei…the most arrogant obnoxious person I've yet to meet…at least I thought so in the   
beginning. Getting to know him was hard; and while he still doesn't accept me, he will admit I do "a   
tolerable job" which coming from him is high praise. Sally doesn't know it, but Wufei is dying; I overheard a   
conversation he had with Trowa. It's something internal; they can't fix it. His lungs are slowly filling with   
blood; too much time in 0g and too many times breaking the atmosphere have crushing something inside. He   
has maybe six more months at the least. I wish I could tell Sally, but that is up to Wufei. He's trying to hide   
it; pretend nothing's wrong…same macho act he's been putting on for years. But he's afraid; he admitted it…I   
wish there was something I could do for him.   
I only have half an hour left…so I'll make my point. If there is one to make; this started out as the   
one way I could explain to Hiiro how and why I felt about him what I felt. But it's turned into my   
confession; of the things I kept hidden, all the pain…the things that were covered in crisp manners and firm   
stances. Maybe…if I change my mind; I'll burn this little book. I don't think I will…I've already had the   
inside cover inscribed with "For Hiiro Yuy's Eyes Only". I've dressed in my purest gown, and have already   
made proper arrangements. I hope they find me soon…I want it to be an open lid ceremony…  
  
Relena capped the pen and sighed. Two hours, wasted…but maybe Hiiro would   
understand. She prayed he would, or else this was for nothing. She picked up his hand gun, laid   
down on the bed, and closed her eyes for the last time…  
  
I'm sorry; this is my first attempt at a complete angst fic. So please, be gentle? If you liked   
this one, I'll upload "diary entries/letters" from the other Gundam Wing girls. Ariagato!  



	2. Hilde's Last Words

Relena is dead. Quatre is dead. Duo...is dead. And I sit here, alone, wrapped in my silence. I won't talk anymore, because every word I could say, has already been said by another...by Duo. God, how I wish I could take it all back, just take back the fight that caused his death!   
Sally doesn't beleive that it was my fault. She always says it was just a freak accident, another drunken hit and run like thousands of others. I know better. I won't--no, I can't tell her. I can't tell anyone how I killed the only man I ever truly loved...  
  
Hilde put the pen down, and stared out the window. The sun was shining, and a gentle breeze ruffled the trees outside the window of her room. Shady Pines was a nice place, really it was...for a nut house. Only she wasn't insane; she was just a murderer haunted by the ghost of her victim, that's all! She didn't strut around like Napoleon or something stupid like that...She just...Hilde sighed, and picked the pen back up...  
  
He didn't want to get married. That's what our fight was about. We'd been sharing the apartment, MY apartment, for a year and a half. I was tired of the dirty looks, the smirks, everything! I wanted it to be permanent, to have more meaning! He just shrugged and told me to "chill out babe". I didn't.  
I stormed out of there, banging doors, the usual hissy fit that I threw. He ran after me...there's not really much more to tell after that. He followed me, we saw the girl, he rescued her, and died. It gets easier to write this...my heart's starting to freeze. Looks like Sally shouldn't have given me my own bottle of Prozac, because I've downed it...all...  
Ned 2 say 1 las...ting...I...luv...Duo....  
  
And so goes another of the brave women behind the men...  
  



End file.
